But I digress, Departures is my all time FAVOURITE show, and although Season 3 is probably not my favourite of Scott, Justin and Andre’s travels around the world, it was still fabulous as always. Out of the many awesome places they visited (Russia, Australia, Sri Lanka, Rwanda….), somehow, they managed to film 2 episodes in… North Korea! (or DPRK, as it is officially called).

How? No clue, but my preconceptions of this isolated country were turned completely upside-down. You HAVE to watch it for yourself. Obviously Departures were limited in what they were allowed to say and film, but regardless of how censored the episodes may have been, they could not mask the extent of how preserved the culture, traditions, dedication and discipline the people of North Korea (ahem, DPRK) is.

I searched around online for a bit (and now probably have CSIS tracking my internet history), and figured this is perhaps how Scott and Justin managed to breach the border: http://www.korea-dpr.com/travel.htm

What do you think? I would be super interested to go, the very notion of exploring a culture so closed off, and so different from anywhere else in the world is a huge draw, despite my own opinions regarding their governmental system.

travel, adventure, forgotten ancient cities and jungle nestled villages, high mountain peaks and the incomparable darkness of the depths of the ocean, whose blackness hides mysterious creatures flashing with bio-luminescence

animals: lazy, proud cats (from the great lions to elusive panthers, and even my often-angry house-cat), gorillas, whales,  dolphins, strange birds…

dusty libraries with towers of leather bound books about long ago battles, classic romances, fist-clenching mysteries, far-fetched fantasies about faeries and princesses and battling dragons

writing, about anything.

the definitions of words and the many meanings that a simple combination of letters can have

Vivaldi, Beethoven, Debussy, the magic of classical music and the intertwining sounds of instruments paining a masterpiece of sound

Singing: Opera, Musical Theater, Pop, whatever… dancing whilst singing is loads of fun as well

whispered secrets between friends thick as thieves, and laughing with complete abandon with each other

the first, heart-racing, lingering, forbidden touch between almost lovers

eyes that smile, eyes that look deep into mine, eyes that tell a story entirely different from the words coming from the mouth

warm sun showers, wind blown flower petals, barely-sun-burnt skin, Christmastime snow

the great cosmos above, below, all around us

billion-year-old starlight: looking into space (which is looking into the past)

helping a friend in need, giving spontaneous hugs, smiling just to smile, loving for the simple reason that love is good

fuck this really really sucks

i’ve always been the one to try and rise to the top, but once you’re there, everyone expects you to stay put and keep going. its not good enough to be a writer, a dreamer, a reader anymore. expectations weigh much too heavy. i should be capable of so much, and i know i am, but feel as though i am not moving towards MY goal but the goals those around me have made up for me. placed in my path, a toll booth where the payment is “obedience”.

i still miss my closest friends. now i just have those “acquaintance” type ones. Gone are the 2 am conversations over slightly burned cookies and the friendships where you didn’t have to go anywhere or do anything, where companionship in its own right was enough without having to urge conversation along with crap movies or overpriced coffee drinks. Why can’t i get that back?

my hamster and cat seem to get along fine, but kitty has that glint of hunger in her eyes. just like me. i seem to get along fine with my life but inside i am hungering for so much more.

Is it because we are so far in why he makes me feel so awful sometimes? Is it because I love so much, that things I do to make him mad make me feel so overridden with guilt, even though my rational side knows I did nothing wrong?

Sometimes he is right, the insight he can see into how I think and feel is uncanny, something only a person who really knows the true me could offer. But at the same time, why is it so difficult? It can’t be possible that I am the only one who always makes the “mistakes”. He makes me mad sometimes too, but it always gets turned back on me, or so it seems.

I’m learning to get a better handle on my emotions. I can’t break down anymore for no good reason. Tears are meaningless if spilled too often. But just because I’m trying to handle emotions better, doesn’t mean I don’t feel. I try to brush things off and smack a smile on, but I guess the real reason I feel upset is that he wants me to do this. When he is the only person I feel comfortable letting those emotions show, even to him, I must now cover them up.

I must learn to control myself before I can control others. That is my new motto. I don’t say “control” in a dictatorial way, but my future career goals are ones in positions of power and if I am to make it in the “real world” and fulfill my dreams then I have to get a hold of myself first.

what happened to drinking chai teas every afternoon? talking about philosophy that we obviously didn’t understand in the least?
Remember taking silly photos that we thought were so ‘artsy’ and dancing to music in just our t-shirts?
It seems like just yesterday we were reading Russian literature in the backyard eating 5 cent candies and playing with newborn puppies that yapped us awake at 5 am on our many weekend sleepovers.
I still have photos of us when we were only 8, carefree, barefooted and sunkissed. I still have a photographs of us when we were 17 in the kitchen baking fancy cupcakes that never quite worked out but we ate them anyways.
You loved the movie “Signs” and I hated it, but we watched it anyways.

I love the old us. I hate being ex best friends. But I know that you are someone different now. Well, I’m different too. That doesn’t mean we had to fall apart. How could you not care?

make new friends and keep the old ones. that mantra is not working out so hot for me now.

whatever.

so concerning the fact that i waste a lot of time, thinking about the things I want to do rather than doing them
it just makes me human ok?

even so, i know i manage to get what i want most of the time. sounds cocky and selfish, but if i don’t live for me, how am i supposed to live at all?

She was sitting on a blue veranda deck, barefooted, hair long and unkempt, and legs crossed under her even though she was sitting in a chair, not on the ground. Around her shoulders, a vibrant indigo shawl wrapped tightly to keep off the slight breeze that tinted her cheeks rouge. The photograph somehow was able to catch the wanderlust in her storm grey eyes, the sharpness of the intake of her breath that made her lips purse ever so slightly. The last thing I noticed was her stomach, it was barely noticeable but suddenly very obvious once spotted. She was pregnant.

My chest pulled tight, and I closed my eyes breathing once, twice. I stepped up to the placard beside the image and read the date, September 8, 2007. Just three months ago… my mind raced and swirled, I had too much to drink, and after all, I am a lightweight.

————————————-

“Jesus Autumn. I can’t believe you… here, drink this.” I felt an icy glass set in one hand and two small round tablets into the other, I groaned and tried to force my cement laden eyes open. “Seriously, it’s already noon and your snoring is driving me insane. Now drink, and take the Advil. You’ll feel better for it.” I tossed the pills into my parched mouth and downed the glass of water in record time. My roommate Mia was sitting on the edge of my futon taking a long drag on a cigarette, wearing nothing but her silk robe. She was also the same friend who got the ticket to the Art Exhibition, which I supposed was the night before, although I couldn’t remember leaving.

“Thanks.” Well, I tried to say thanks, but it came out like “Shannnks”, obviously I was not yet coherent.

“Yeah, you really should be grateful. How much did you drink last night? You passed out and made such a scene! Lucky for you I was around to drag your sorry ass home and into bed. Honestly!” Mia tried to sound angry but couldn’t keep up her straight face. A slow curl at the corner of her mouth turned into a huge smirk and we both burst into laughter. We met in Organic Chemistry, lab partners by the fate of our last names which both started with R (Mia Reed and Autumn Rey).

The Advil started to kick in and the hangover headache began to subside. How many glasses of champagne did I drink? It must have been quite a few if I blacked out. But I couldn’t recall having more than 4, which is quite a good amount, but hardly enough to knock me off my feet. There was something else… not alcohol… the photograph. I stopped laughing abruptly. I needed to see that picture again, I needed to study every aspect of it so that I could remember every detail of her face, her body, everything, I needed it. More importantly, I needed her.

The pregnant girl in the picture was my sister.

Now I don’t. University textbooks monopolize most of my availible reading time, however, I try to find a novel every so often to escape into. Each time I read, I want to write, books are truly the greatest inspiration for…more books!

I promised myself I will begin to write a novel…but already I am stagnant. I am certainly not as creative as I once was. What genre should it be? a love story, comedy, mystery, fantasy? Who should my characters be? Male, female, animal?

The questions are endless, plot ideas pop up now and then, but are easily forgotten, or become fuddled with other ideas, and more often than not, quickly discarded as I find one thing or another that is wrong with them.

Help Please! Leave comments, suggestions, crazy ideas, inspirational quotes, anecdotes, anything!

much appreciated

I love the show Departures on OLN. I think that the most valuable life experience is attained through experiencing various cultures. Not in the touristy way, but in the life-immersion, all-or-nothing way. Which is exactly what Scott and Justin (and Andre) do. Their experiences are breathtakingly raw.

I should mention that I am really enjoying my year of University in terms of studies thus far. I think the sciences suit me (HUGE surprise). I have discovered my quantitative left side of my brain.
Here is a little test that shows which side of your brain is most dominant: Right Brain V Left Brain

No matter how hard I try I can only perceive the image as turning clockwise (click on the link and you’ll see for yourself).

However, in the midst of my 5 courses (Calculus, Chemistry, Physics, Biochemistry and Biology) I am holding up (almost or on par) better than I had in my arts courses last year. I feel like I’ve lost a little bit of the whimsical, fiction-loving self I once was (I still am, but it seems trapped inside, smothered by too many math equations). So I have decided to begin writing a novel on this blog. It may change, become disjointed, and I may delete post after post, but I will write, and write creatively.